Monday, 14 January 2013

Bellows-powered Underground Transit System

Charles van Derhank of Chiswick is proposing a new, "superior" method of mass transit for London and it's surrounding environs. He has drawn up a detailed proposal for an air-powered underground system similar in nature to those pipe things in banks and other institutions that cashiers use to send money to other parts of the building. The one-and-a-half-page design document states that the necessary air-power be provided by a set of gigantic bellows housed in the old Battersea Power Station building. The bellows themselves are to be powered by some form of massive bellows-powereing machine that will need to be invented by scientists. This in turn will be driven by a bellows-powering-machine-powering-machine and so forth.

When it was suggested that significantly more detail would be required for such a proposal to be even considered, much less the need for such a system given the already extensive and proven forms of mass-transit already in place in the capital, and that his proposale sounded unworkable and, frankly, fucking madness, Mr van Derhank was heard to mumble something about "shirkers" and "it was people like you who caused the fall of the British empire".

His plans for the system are available for consultation today at his home address (address withheld).

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